idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
