sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
