piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
