so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
