that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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