She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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