Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
