have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
