so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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