I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
