How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
