You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
