HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
