if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
