I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
