You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
