I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
