he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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