she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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