I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
