You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
