she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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