that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
