So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
