I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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