When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
