Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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