Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
