A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
