I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
