i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
