goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
