So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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