Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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