You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
