is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
