hotel room ftw
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
50% drunk capacity currently
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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