someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
