I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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