i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
