all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
