Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
