I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
