i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
