I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
