when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
