I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
