Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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