TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
