I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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