my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
