mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize