So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
