My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
