4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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