My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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