I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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