Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
