Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
