dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
