I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
