Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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