Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
