You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
