I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
