I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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