Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
