??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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