he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize