Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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