I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
