I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
