You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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