OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
