I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
