Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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