I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
