just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
